NeilP
|
| posted on 30/4/10 at 09:18 PM |
|
|
What do you call a judge with no thumbs.........
........Justice Fingers
If you pay peanuts...
Mentale, yar? Yar, mentale!
Drive it like you stole it!
|
|
|
|
|
andrew.carwithen
|
| posted on 30/4/10 at 10:56 PM |
|
|
Two eggs in a pan.
One says to the other:
'Phew! Its hot in here!
To which the other replies:
'That's nothing! - Wait 'til you get outside - they bash your head in!!!'
|
|
|
UncleFista
|
| posted on 1/5/10 at 09:46 AM |
|
|
Oooops, forgot my son's favourite..
"What's brown and sticky ?"
A stick......
Tony Bond / UncleFista
Love is like a snowmobile, speeding across the frozen tundra.
Which suddenly flips, pinning you underneath.
At night the ice-weasels come...
|
|
|
iank
|
| posted on 1/5/10 at 11:34 AM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by UncleFista
Oooops, forgot my son's favourite..
"What's brown and sticky ?"
what do you call a boomarang that doesn't come back?
Same answer 
--
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Anonymous
|
|
|
l0rd
|
| posted on 1/5/10 at 01:31 PM |
|
|
What is the worst name of a mother in law?
Hope
Because hope always dies last
|
|
|
Minicooper
|
| posted on 1/5/10 at 04:24 PM |
|
|
What do you call a Fly with no wings?
A walk.....
Cheers
David
|
|
|
OX
|
| posted on 1/5/10 at 05:22 PM |
|
|
2 cookies in an oven and one said to the other 'jeez its hot in here' and the other replied 'wow a talking cookie' 
|
|
|
blakep82
|
| posted on 2/5/10 at 02:27 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Danozeman
what sort of cheese can you hide a horse in??
Mascapony
what cheese isn't yours?
nacho cheese! (said in your best black american accent)
________________________
IVA manual link http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?type=RESOURCES&itemId=1081997083
don't write OT on a new thread title, you're creating the topic, everything you write is very much ON topic!
|
|
|
02GF74
|
| posted on 3/5/10 at 08:25 AM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by blakep82
quote:
Originally posted by Danozeman
what sort of cheese can you hide a horse in??
Mascapony
what cheese isn't yours?
nacho cheese! (said in your best black american accent)
What chees is made backwards?
Edam.
|
|
|
02GF74
|
| posted on 3/5/10 at 08:28 AM |
|
|
a joke more appropriate to this forum.
Once there was a snail who lived in France and was tired of being slow. He built an MK Indy with supercharged duratec engine and painted a big
'S' on each side of it.
Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say, "Viola, look at zat S-car go!"
|
|
|
woodster
|
| posted on 3/5/10 at 10:19 AM |
|
|
a bloke goes to the docs with a bit of lettuce in his ear ... the doc has a look and tells him ..... "it looks serious" ................
"i think it could be the tip of the iceberg"
|
|
|
iti_uk
|
| posted on 4/5/10 at 11:52 AM |
|
|
Q - What's green and brown and would kill you if it fell on you?
A- a snooker table
It's world war one, and Private Johnny Johnson is in waiting in line to receive his rifle and bayonet. Unfortunately, the supplies run out
before he reaches the front of the queue. Panicked, Private Johnson runs to his Captain and says;
"Captain, what can I do? I can't go to the trenches without weapons, I'll be killed instantly!"
"Don't worry, here, take this. It's a magic baton. Point it at someone and shout "BANGY-BANGY-BANG" as loud as you can,
and you'll shoot him!"
Not totally convinced, Private Johnson decides that he has no choice but to take the baton. At least he could hit people with it. "But what
about a bayonet? What if I find myself at close quarters with an enemy??"
"Ah, that's easy! Poke your enemy with the magic baton and shout "STABBY-STABBY-STAB!!!".
Feeling defeated and hopeless, Private Johnson takes the baton and follows his regiment to their trench.
A few days pass, and at last the order is given to "go over the top". Johnny climbed the ladder and was immediately met with heavy
gunfire. "What other choice do I have, what's the worst that could happen?" he thought as he pointed his magic baton at an advancing
enemy.
"BANGY-BANGY_BANG!!!" he shouted at the top of his voice. The enemy fell down dead. "That must be a fluke," though Johnny,
"someone else must have shot him!"
He pointed his stick, "BANGY-BANGY_BANG!!!" and another enemy was dead. "This is amazing!!!" thought Johnny. He ran up to the
next enemy and, poking him furiously in the stomach, shouted "STABBY-STABBY-STAB!!!" and the enemy fell to the floor, dead!
So, forwards Johnny ran, shouting "BANGY-BANGY-BANG" and "STABBY-STABBY-STAB" all the way through the enemy lines, until he
found himself in a deserted village.
There was one enemy soldier standing alone in the middle of the street. Johnny pointed his baton and shouted "BANGY-BANGY-BANG!!!".
Nothing happened. He tried again; "BANGY-BANGY-BANG!!!". Again, nothing. He ran up to the soldier; "STABBY-STABBY-STAB!!!".
Nothing. "BANGY-BANGY-BANG!!! STABBY-STABBY-STAB!!!".
The soldier just turned to look at him, and said;
"AHA!!! TANKETY-TANKETY-TANK!!!"
|
|
|
welderman
|
| posted on 4/5/10 at 03:35 PM |
|
|
grandmar
not a joke but my Dad sent me this today and i did think it was funny
 
Description
Thank's, Joe
I don't stalk people
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/forum/23/viewthread.php?tid=172301
Back on with the Fisher Fury R1
|
|
|
welderman
|
| posted on 4/5/10 at 03:37 PM |
|
|
why did the bannana go to the doctors
because he wasnt peeling very well
Kirsty aged 6 at the time lol.
Joe
Thank's, Joe
I don't stalk people
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/forum/23/viewthread.php?tid=172301
Back on with the Fisher Fury R1
|
|
|
