For certain undisclosable reasons, I find myself in need of some jokes about sheep. Knowing the kind of people that use the site i thought I'd simply ask..

so.... anyone know any good jokes about sheep???

all the best
Mark

Me first!

A rambler is walking through beautiful Yorkshire countryside when he sees a man standing very close behind the sheep. His arms are all over sheep trying to pin it in position.

The rambler calls over to the man: "I say! Excuse me, are you shearing?"

The man turns his head towards him and snarls: "Noo, f*ck off. Get yer own"

Geddit?

Cheers,

Neil.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

I have a Game Called "Sven Bomwollen"
I dont know what that translates to, but I can guess due to the nature of the game.

Its a 9Mb Zip file, so wont post it on the forum. If anyone wants it contact me and I will mail or post it to you somehow.

Regards

Geoff

A man gets a job working way out in the country on a sheep farm. When he starts to get lonely he asks one of the other men what he does when he needs companionship. the man replys they are too far out for a bar or brothel or any other way to meet women; but there is always the sheep.
Well he's not that lonely and besides he thinks maybe he's being setup for a joke as the new guy is always fair game. As time goes on he asks a few different men who answer with the one thing in common being sheep. Finally one night being very very lonely he can't wait another night so he waits for all the other men to bed down for the night and then he slips out of camp. He quickly finds a sheep and is just starting to proceed when he hears snickers coming from the directions where some of the men had bedded down. Knowing he had been setup he yells out "where was I supposed to go, where is the whorehouse?" To which the men just laugh harder. Finally one of the men tell him "it's not that, it's just you picked the ugliest one."

Hey ewe, come here

Two old farmers walking across a field reminiscing. One points to a grassy bank and says "that's where I had my first shag". The other says," me too, and that's where her mother stood watching". First one says," good grief man what did her mother say" He replies " Baaaaaaa".

[Edited on 15/8/04 by Peteff]

one of my mates wrote an hilarious sheep shagging tips book when we were in school, i can't find it now but it had things like, "always wear velcro gloves" and "always do it on the edge of a cliff because they push back more"

Rescued attachment WedanAus.gif

Another version of heinlein's

aAgets a job working way out in the country on a sheep farm. When he starts to get lonely he asks one of the other men what he does when he needs companionship. the man replys they are too far out to walk to a bar or brothel or any other way to meet women; but there is always the sheep.
Well he's not that lonely and besides he thinks maybe he's being setup for a joke as the new guy is always fair game. As time goes on he asks a few different men who answer with the one thing in common being sheep. Finally one night being very very lonely he can't wait another night so he waits for all the other men to bed down for the night and then he slips out of camp. He quickly finds a sheep and is just starting to proceed when he hears snickers coming from the directions where some of the men had bedded down. He asked "Why are you laughing at me, you do it", one of the men replied, "usually we ride one to the nearest brothel".

Adam

i heard it was camels

I first heard it as sheep, then I saw it as camels in FHM.

Adam

On a winter's night it's nice to sleep
Wrapped in the arms of a lusty sheep;
To huddle in close when the North wind blows,
to delight in the touch of a cold wet nose,
to feel the carass of wool on your skin
and think of the novel position you're in.
The ecstacy swamps you in waves without end
as you fondle the parts of your furry white friend.

When winter's over I love spring so much
when shearing time reveals to the touch
the heavenly parts that find their release
as eager young hands cut off the fleece.
With eyes open wide the better to see
the rampant beast - naked and free
which leaps from the cold and frolics around
till grabbed by the tail and raped on the ground.

Randy young yokels rush up and undress
as terrified ewes bleat in distress
and cower in sheds and quake one and all
while facing the shepheard with bums to the wall.
Till grabbed by the horns and dragged to the hay
never releasd for many a day.
As pink and white bodies pound in a pile
all sweaty and sticky and woolly and vile.

Boys of the village lie exhausted and spent
their working parts all blistered and bent.
But now the sheep have a new bestial twist
which means that their lovers are not yet dismissed.
The passionate ewes incite an uprising,
whose length and duration is somewhat surprising,
considering the action their members have seen
without modern aids such as vaseline.

Got to worry about you Donners

[freaked out]




[/freaked out]

The bitter Anatolian winter was almost over when one Armenian shepherd turned to the other and confessed that he could hardly wait until it was time to shear the flocks.
The other shepherd nodded, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "It's great selling the wool on the market and spending some of the money on raki and women, eh?"
"That's not it," said his companion. "I just can't wait to see
them naked."

...why don't they shrink when it rains?




There'll never be another ewe.

watch this space for the university thesis & the Dai jokes.

Q Why do The Scots wear kilts?



Ans The Sheep can hear a zipper at a hundred paces !

so sheep dont hear flies being unzipped!!!!

A university student is doing a thesis on sexual practices. She goes to Ireland and out in the remote countryside she find a lonlely, desolate sheep crofter and asks him about his sexual practices. Evantually he volunteers that he does make love to his sheep. On further questioning he volunteers that the usual practice is to approach from the side and, whilst stroking the neck he moves to the rear of the sheep, lifting its feet into his wellies, he then makes love to the sheep.
That very interesting says she, making her excuses she leaves.

A few weeks later she is in coldest scotland and again she finds a sheep crofter. the questioning proceeds apace and is very similar except that the sheep are approached from the front. Then to the rear and again the feet are placed in the wellies and so on. Ah, I begin to see a pattern says the student, thank you very much says she and leaves.

A month later she is in deepest Wales and she comes across a crofter who she begins to question. In this case he reveals that he meerly calls to his flock and they all come running. Then he sellects his lover and he begins to caress and, moves to the side says he. Thats very interesting says she, Carrying on he says that he then lays his lover down on the ground rolling her onto her back and mounts her willingly. Butting in, the student says, but thats different from what I have found to be normal practice of behind. AH says the crofter you could take them from behind, but by doing it that way you miss out on all the tongue-ing.

Dai is sitting on the hillside looking across to the town with young davy. Pointing to the town hall he says " see that davy, I founded that with my own good will and patience, created the civic centre I did . Do they call me Dai the civic leader, NO."
Pointing to the bridge across the river valley " see that bridge Davy, I built that bridge all by my self, every last nut and bolt, Do they call me Dai the bridge builder, NO". pointing across to the school he continues. " See that school I created that, Taught every last man & girl jack in the town I did, Do the call me Dai the school master. No. Caught me with one sheep they did. Call me Dai the sheep shagger"

What do elephants use as tampons.












Sheep