With apologies to those North of the Border......
Glasgow Zoo
A small zoo in Glasgow acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Boaby, a local lad & part time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Boaby, like many Glasgow folk, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution. Boaby was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500?
Boaby showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
1. "First", Boaby said, "Ah'm no gonnae kiss her on the lips". The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second" he said, "Ye cannae never tell naebody aboot this". The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Boaby said, "I want all the weans raised as Celtic fans". Once again it was agreed.
4. "And last of all", Boaby stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the £500"
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