The octopus
An Octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play any musical instrument you like".
An Englishman gives him a guitar, which it plays better than Jimi Hendrix.
An Irishman gives him a piano, which it plays better than Elton John.
A Scotsman throws it a set of bagpipes.
The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes without a sound from the bagpipes and Scotsman asks, "what's wrong, can ye no play
it"?
The octopus says, "Play It? I'm gonna bonk her brains out once I get her
pyjamas off 
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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