dave r
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 03:10 PM |
|
|
Fifty Shades Of Grey
The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes.
Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the
garden. Here are some extracts... ................... J
Fifty Sheds Of Grey
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a
wall...
but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be
punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the
receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently
massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD
I'd love to give my imaginary friend a great big hug,
but this jacket makes it impossible.
|
|
|
|
|
roadrunner
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 03:19 PM |
|
|
Very good.
I needed cheering up. 
|
|
|
welderman
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 03:44 PM |
|
|
brill, i might have to pinch that 
Thank's, Joe
I don't stalk people
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/forum/23/viewthread.php?tid=172301
Back on with the Fisher Fury R1
|
|
|
AndyW
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 04:19 PM |
|
|
Very good.....
|
|
|
ken555
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 06:04 PM |
|
|
Prefer
 
50 Sheds
[Edited on 15-11-12 by ken555]
|
|
|
AdrianH
|
| posted on 15/11/12 at 07:17 PM |
|
|
Excellent have posted to wife’s email, that will be sent on.
Adrian
Why do I have to make the tools to finish the job? More time then money.
|
|
|
Jasper
|
| posted on 16/11/12 at 11:43 AM |
|
|
Very good 
If you're not living life on the edge you're taking up too much room.
|
|
|
Twin40
|
| posted on 16/11/12 at 01:29 PM |
|
|
Fifty shades of grey
The missus bought a Paperback
Down Smiths, the other day,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
It was time to dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, all sensual like
And stood upon her tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Quick, step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.
|
|
|
