Confused but excited.
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 09:53 AM |
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Brave man jokes
With grovelling apologies to Fozzie and Co, who are wonderful ladies and petrol head godesses  (snivel, snivel, grovel)
VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it...
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
[Edited on 14/4/09 by Confused but excited.]
Tell them about the bent treacle edges!
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cd.thomson
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 09:58 AM |
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"why did god create women"  ewww
Craig
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Confused but excited.
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 10:00 AM |
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Sorry, meant to delete that one.
Now edited out.
Tell them about the bent treacle edges!
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Mr Whippy
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 10:09 AM |
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Fame is when your old car is plastered all over the internet
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geoff shep
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 04:30 PM |
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Another brave man:
A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it
is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 lb blonde
woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is
blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde
and is a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".
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focijohn
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| posted on 14/4/09 at 05:49 PM |
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Anyone going slower than you is an idiot. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
Too many targets but too few bullets.
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02GF74
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| posted on 15/4/09 at 10:35 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Confused but excited.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
"dog" would have made more sense since they are both of the canine family whereas an elepahant is a fish.
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Confused but excited.
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| posted on 15/4/09 at 10:56 AM |
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You're forgetting about all the chocolate! 
Tell them about the bent treacle edges!
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