understanding engineers
Understanding Engineers - Take One:
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.' The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Two:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three:
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!'
The pastor said, 'Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him.' .......... [dramatic pause]
'Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free
anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment.
The pastor said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't these guys play at night?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Four:
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. A few years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly unsolvable problem they were
experiencing with one of
their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried every-thing and everyone to no avail.
In desperation, they called the retired engineer, who had solved so many of their problems in the past, begging him to help them out with this
difficult situation.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent 1 day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small 'x' in
chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, 'This is where your problem is.'
The defective part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly to everyone's relief.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: 'One chalk mark - $1.00.
Knowing where to put it - $49,999.00.'
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons --
Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six:
Three engineering students were gathered discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:
Normal people believe that: '...if it ain't broke, don't fix it.'
Engineers believe that: '...if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.' - Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, 'I like both.'
The others: 'Both?'
Engineer: 'Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman,
and you can go to the lab and get some work done.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess.' He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.' The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss
me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
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