New year economics lesson
Economic models explained by cows
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some
milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one,
milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a
tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to
your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have none. No one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you
are part of a Democracy...
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty
good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Andy
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andywest1/
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