splitrivet
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| posted on 11/10/10 at 10:42 AM |
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Warning of industrial action
> Suicide Bombers to go on strike
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> Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that
the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut
was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
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> The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable
to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working
themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
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> Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
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> Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not
affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
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> Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
I used to be a Werewolf but I'm alright nowwoooooooooooooo
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omega 24 v6
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| posted on 11/10/10 at 11:27 AM |
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quote:
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Ha hA brilliant. And as a scot can I say that I am not offended and take all this in good fun. Lets hope all other "Decent" folk
regardless of nationality OR religion can have a laugh at this as well.
ETA you do realise that as a scot Susan Boyle is already in paradise??
[Edited on 11/10/10 by omega 24 v6]
If it looks wrong it probably is wrong.
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 11/10/10 at 07:22 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by omega 24 v6
ETA you do realise that as a scot Susan Boyle is already in paradise??
England?
Also where does it say that those virgins are women?
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Simon
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| posted on 12/10/10 at 07:19 PM |
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Actually, it's a 16.67% reduction in numbers
"Also where does it say that those virgins are women?"
or human
ATB
Simon
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 12/10/10 at 08:23 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Simon
"Also where does it say that those virgins are women?"
or human
ATB
Simon
"Well, er, Achmed, it appears there's been a big mistake somewhere boyo. You see the Muslim religion actually started in
Wales..."
Oh it would be so funny if they had 72 virgin sheep!
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