Anger management!
Shamelessly stolen from another forum...
ANGER MANAGEMENT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found
the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right
f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's
correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an ar$ehole!' and hung up. I wrote his
number down with the word 'ar$ehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, You're an ar$ehole!' It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic 'ar$ehole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone
company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Programme?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the
phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an ar$ehole!' and hung up. One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn
and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I
wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first ar$ehole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd
better call the BMW ar$ehole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Drive , in Garforth . It's a yellow ranch style
house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an ar$ehole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two
ar$eholes to call. Then I came up with an idea... I called ar$ehole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an ar$ehole!' (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah,'ar$ehole!"
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'Ar$ehole, I live at 34 Oaktree Drive, in Garforth, a yellow ranch style home and I have
a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, ar$ehole,' and hung up.
Then I called Ar$ehole #2. He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, ar$ehole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are, I'll.....
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass!'
I answered, 'Well, ar$ehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Drive , in Garforth , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 4 News about
the gang war going down in Oaktree Drive in Garforth.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Garforth and got there just in time to watch two ar$eholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
"A witty saying proves nothing" Voltaire
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