JoelP
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| posted on 14/1/05 at 08:09 PM |
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Physics disclaimers...
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products
that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely
scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous
placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list
of
warnings appears below.
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional
to
the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per
Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely
Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle
was
correct)
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously
Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will
Not Be
Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product
May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will
Result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No
Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose
Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of
99.9999999999% Empty Space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer
Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New
Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be
Detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist
Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable
Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the
User.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small
Space.
Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 14/1/05 at 08:15 PM |
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and you thought the safeway thread was whacky!
atb
steve
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DavidM
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| posted on 15/1/05 at 01:30 AM |
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Nice one.
Don't forget to bend your knees when picking it up.
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krlthms
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| posted on 15/1/05 at 08:24 AM |
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Here is some dangerous s**t; there is lots of it in Iraq:
DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE (DHMO) MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET (MSDS)
Synonyms: Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, Oxydihydride, Monoxydihydride, Oxygen Dihydride, Hydric acid.
CAS No.: 7732-18-5
Molecular Weight: 18
Chemical Formula: H2O
2. Composition/Information on Ingredients
Ingredient CAS No Percent Hazardous
--------------------------------------- ------------ ------- ---------
DHMO 7732-18-5 100% No
3. Hazards Identification
Emergency Overview: Not applicable.
J.T. Baker SAF-T-DATA(tm) Ratings (Provided here for your convenience)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Health Rating: 0 - None Flammability Rating: 0 - None
Reactivity Rating: 1 - Slight Contact Rating: 0 - None
Lab Protective Equip: GOGGLES; LAB COAT
Storage Color Code: Orange (General Storage)
Inhalation: Death possible Ingestion: Excessive ingestion can cause distress
Skin Contact: Can be absorbed by skin. Eye Contact: May remove eye moisture
Chronic Exposure: Not applicable.
Aggravation of Pre-existing Conditions: Not applicable.
4. First Aid Measures
Inhalation: CPR Skin Contact: Dry area with towel, etc.
Ingestion: Seek Medical attention Eye Contact: Seek medical attention
5. Fire Fighting Measures
Fire: Not applicable Explosion: Not applicable
Fire Extinguishing Media: Use extinguishing media appropriate for surrounding fire.
Special Information: In the event of a fire, wear full protective clothing and
NIOSH-approved self-contained breathing apparatus with full facepiece operated in the
pressure demand or other positive pressure mode.
6. Accidental Release Measures:
Non-hazardous material. Clean up of spills requires no special equipment or procedures.
7. Handling and Storage:
Keep container tightly closed. Suitable for any general chemical storage area. Protect from
freezing. DHMO is considered a non-regulated product, but may react vigorously with
some specific materials. Avoid contact with all materials until investigation shows
substance is compatible.
8. Exposure Controls/Personal Protection
Airborne Exposure Limits: Not applicable Ventilation System: Not applicable
Skin Protection: Lab Coat, Gloves. Eye Protection: Goggles
Personal Respirators (NIOSH Approved): Not applicable
9. Physical and Chemical Properties
Appearance: Clear, colorless liquid Odor: Odorless.
Solubility: Complete (100%) Specific Gravity: 1.00
pH: 7.0 % Volatiles by volume @ 21C (70F):100
Boiling Point: 100C (212F) Melting Point: 0C (32F)
Vapor Density (Air=1): Not applicable.
Vapor Pressure (mm Hg): 17.5 @ 20C (68F)
Evaporation Rate (BuAc=1): No information found.
10. Stability and Reactivity
Stability: Stable under ordinary conditions of use and storage.
Hazardous Decomposition Products: Not applicable.
Hazardous Polymerization: Will not occur.
Incompatibilities: Strong reducing agents, acid chlorides, phosphorus trichloride,
phosphorus pentachloride, phosphorus oxychloride, sodium.
Conditions to Avoid: No information found.
11. Toxicological Information
--------Cancer Lists------------------------------------------------------
---NTP Carcinogen---
Ingredient Known Anticipated IARC Category
------------------------------------ ----- ----------- -------------
DHMO (7732-18-5) No No None
12. Ecological Information
Environmental Fate: Not applicable Environmental Toxicity: Not applicable
13. Disposal Considerations
Whatever cannot be saved for recovery or recycling should be flushed to sewer. If material
becomes contaminated during use, dispose of accordingly. Dispose of container and unused
contents in accordance with federal, state and local requirements.
14. Transport Information: Not regulated.
15. Regulatory Information
--------Chemical Inventory Status - Part 1---------------------------------
Ingredient TSCA EC Japan Australia
----------------------------------------------- ---- --- ----- ---------
DHMO (7732-18-5) Yes Yes Yes Yes
--------Chemical Inventory Status - Part 2---------------------------------
--Canada--
Ingredient Korea DSL NDSL Phil.
----------------------------------------------- ----- --- ---- -----
DHMO (7732-18-5) Yes Yes No Yes
--------Federal, State & International Regulations - Part 1----------------
-SARA 302- ------SARA 313------
Ingredient RQ TPQ List Chemical Catg.
----------------------------------------- --- ----- ---- --------------
DHMO (7732-18-5) No No No No
--------Federal, State & International Regulations - Part 2----------------
-RCRA- -TSCA-
Ingredient CERCLA 261.33 8(d)
----------------------------------------- ------ ------ ------
DHMO (7732-18-5) No No No
Chemical Weapons Convention: No TSCA 12(b): No CDTA: No
SARA 311/312: Acute: No Chronic: No Fire: No Pressure: No
Reactivity: No (Pure / Liquid)
Australian Hazchem Code: No information found.
Poison Schedule: No information found.
WHMIS: This MSDS has been prepared according to the hazard criteria of the Controlled
Products Regulations (CPR) and the MSDS contains all of the information required by the CPR.
16. Other Information
NFPA Ratings: Health: 0 Flammability: 0 Reactivity: 0 Label Hazard Warning: Not
applicable.
Label Precautions: Keep in tightly closed container
Label First Aid: Not applicable.
Product Use:Laboratory Reagent.
Revision Information: No changes.
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flak monkey
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| posted on 15/1/05 at 09:53 AM |
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Lol isnt water a wonderful thing....
Nice physics laws there Joel
Sera
http://www.motosera.com
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krlthms
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| posted on 16/1/05 at 09:18 AM |
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More here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/elsewhere/journalist/story/0,7792,1176710,00.html
and
http://www.dhmo.org/
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Ninehigh
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| posted on 5/10/08 at 01:36 AM |
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If those warnings were actually on anything the user would do one of two things:
1. Panic, not knowing what the hell it means and refuse to go near it in case they're sued for destroying the entire universe, or
2. Ignore it like everyone else does until the action warned about actually happens
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