Xtreme Kermit
|
| posted on 15/3/11 at 09:20 PM |
|
|
Tool names and usage fully explained
Lifted from www.sideways-technologies.co.uk
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE-BRUSH WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh SH*T!”
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wooden studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and
the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
MOLE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wooden projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new brake pads or shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most workshops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the
waste bin after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
palms.
CROWBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to
the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing
work clothes, but only while in use.
‘B4ST4RD’ TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘B4ST4RD!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.
|
|
|
|
|
daviep
|
| posted on 15/3/11 at 09:26 PM |
|
|
REPOST 
HERE
“A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone.”
|
|
|
slingshot2000
|
| posted on 15/3/11 at 09:28 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by Xtreme Kermit
Lifted from www.sideways-technologies.co.uk
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out POZIDRIVE screw heads.
|
|
|
Xtreme Kermit
|
| posted on 15/3/11 at 09:48 PM |
|
|
quote:
Originally posted by daviep
REPOST
HERE
D'oh! That'll teach me not to keep up 
|
|
|
