Man Flu
1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable
scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)
2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the
germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of
people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.
3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is
medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' - which, if a man caught,
he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half
and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.
4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary
groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain
they are in..
5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their
simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is
that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it
6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots
of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).
7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed
and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful
condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are
the greatest heroes this country has ever known.
8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full
blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head
literally fell off.
9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The
A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady
medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim
of Man-Flu.
10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around
enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact
that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has
remarkable soothing powers.
Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women,
all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words
and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll
beat this monstrous disease together.
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.................Douglas Adams.
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