Ive just heard that HM is going to buy a plane with the settlement money. She still has to use hair removal cream for the other leg though.




The judge said she was unbalanced in the court hearing. Macca simply replied if you fold a beer mat in half and stick it under the left leg then that should fix it.

£2.4million settlement, blimey she's landed on her foot hasn't she?

this made me laugh -

Beleaguered ex strumpet and former Beatle wife, Heather Mills is said to be in a stable condition following an accident on Dancing with Stars yesterday.

Heather Mills & Jonathan Roberts danced the Samba. At the end of the dance, Heather Mills slid and fell down, causing her to become stuck fast to the dance floor due to having a depilated under carriage combined with a well waxed parquet floor.

The vacuum created was so strong it took emergency officials 45 minutes to pry Ms Mills from her predicament.

At first they considered taking up the section of flooring immediately underneath the prone star. This was ruled out by the manager of the venue where the dance competition is filmed, as there was an Indian wedding booked to use the hall next.

The dumbfounded dancer had butter liberally applied to her nether regions and was eventually slid along the shiny surface, to a less conspicuous area for removal.

An unspecified size of dance area was unfortunately damaged during the de-vagination of the floor and Heather is reported to have sustained some injuries from the substitute see-saw set to snatch the stricken strumpet from her suckered snare.

Doctors say that she is fine and resting but has had to be fitted with a prosthetic rubber lady garden due to the previous one being puckered out from the extreme suction of the incident, that and she used to be a tuppeny upright


[Edited on 20/3/08 by Mr Whippy]

She couldn't wait to spend the money........


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What's the difference between Heather Mills and Northern Rock?

One has £25 million, is seriously unstable and screws old people out of their savings,

the other was a bank.

Mike

This thread isn't funny anymore. It's just not right making fun of her after her recent divorce battle.

It's just prosthetic

Phil