Games to play when you grow older
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fibre today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground
easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm Going to eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Spaghetti?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why we post up so many daft threads?
I have my own theory on this, old is when you think beige is a colour that looks good for everything.
Is old when you start posting things twice?
Mike
quote:
Originally posted by Guinness
Is old when you start posting things twice?
Mike
quote:
Originally posted by Guinness
Is old when you start posting things twice?
Mike
Old is when you get up one morning and think nah, I'll put my best slacks, shirt and tie on instead of them jeans
Sh1t!
I thought the undertaker did that.
Old is when your in town and see a gorgeous piece of totty out shopping with her mother,
and you fancy the mother !!!
thanks mr G
I feel better now as i always wear jeans and a leather jacket (even for best)
if the dont allow jeans i don't bloody go,
Or when you stop half way up the stairs and can't remember whether you were going up them or coming down
quote:
Originally posted by gezer
Old is when your in town and see a gorgeous piece of totty out shopping with her mother,
and you fancy the mother !!!
You know you're old when ..........
Ummm .............
Damn! I've forgotten the punch line 
What are slacks? I'm old and I don't think I own any
Slacks? We used to call them flannels 
Slacks, flannels, trousers. Same thing really