Dear All,

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.

Extra thanks to whomever sent me the one about "rat crap getting into the glue used on envelopes" because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and dissolve 1p coins and was used successfully instead of oil in a car engine.

You will be glad to know I have sent my Bank details to a Mr Uduwole in Nigeria and he is going to share his deceased uncle's £1,000,000 with me.

I no longer send my bank details online in case anyone is tapped in.

I no longer put my name on any forms or emails in case anyone steals my identity!

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a sharp point infected with AIDS and could die.

I no longer leave my drink unnattended whilst out socialising, in case someone should drug me with retinol and shag me.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually genetically modified hybrid mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I have cancelled the Christmas turkey in case I catch bird flu

I no longer worry about my soul because at the last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seventeen of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email programme.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes your eyes will explode and your genitals and tits will go black and drop off!.....................have a nice day!

Regards

PS I hope you, your family & friends have a Very Merry Christmas!!

Couldn't do it in seven minutes, tho' I did try my best.
So, before my eyes explode and my genitals and tits go black and drop off, thank you for the Christmas greeting. I hope you enjoy your Christmas too !