DEC 20th
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've
seen for years the wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the
porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees
and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering
as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with
a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and
loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement.
Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved
back and shovelled it away again.
The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes
and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just
missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
dropped around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and
bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again.
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much
of snow is now a brownish-grey.
JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became
ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on me arse in the driveway.
Went to a physio but nothing was broken.
JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to
work. She slid into a wall and did
considerable damage to the right wing. Had another 8 inches of white
sh*** last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush
That b ****** snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody
shovel?!
JAN 9th
More f***king snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't
been damaged.Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from
freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over
and nearly torched the f ***ing house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my
hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a f ***ing deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
JAN 13th
F ****ing b ****** white s ***e just keeps on coming down.
Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box.
The little ***** next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back
- I'll shove that carrot so far up the little pricks arse it'll take a
good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch the a**hole that drives the snowplough I'll chew
open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the b ****** hides around
the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the
street like Michael "f***ing" Schumacher and buries the f***ing driveway again.
JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of f***ing snow and f ***ing ice and f***ing sleet and god knows what other white s**** fell last night.
I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice-pick. Can' t move my f ****ing toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f ***ing snow forecast.
F*** THIS, I'M MOVING

Pure Excellence

I thought this was going to be:
Saw a snowflake, all public transport was immediately cancelled